Adoniram Judson’s Astonishing Proposal Letter
Before I proposed marriage to Taylor AnneMarie McCallum (she now has a more flashy last name), I first took Taylor’s dad out to coffee, explained to him my intentions, articulated exactly why I wanted to marry his daughter, and then asked for his permission to marry Taylor. After a brief silence, her father shook my hand, gave me his blessing, thanked me for coming to him first, and prayed for me. That was the best cup of coffee I ever purchased.
As a pastor, I urge all young men to, if possible, first propose permission for marriage to the father before proposing marriage to the daughter.
In preparing to propose to Nancy Hasseltine in 1810, Adoniram Judson took a similar approach and first sought the permission of Nancy’s father, John Hasseltine. Adoniram sought Mr. Hasseltine’s permission by way of a letter. This is a stunning letter. Even more stunning is that Mr. Hasseltine consented to the marriage. I love that Adoniram appeals to the incarnation of Christ as grounds for Nancy to leave her father’s home and embark upon a married life of humble, missionary service. Here’s the letter:
“I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls, for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?”
Thanks for this blog highlight of the Judson-proposal letter.
I was so nervous about asking Laura, my now fiancee’s, dad. As of Thanksgiving last year, I had only spent a total of a few days with her family. With a week in south Florida in November, I knew it would be my only chance to talk to her dad in person. Many doors were closed that week and I couldn’t get a good opportunity to talk to her dad. So after discussing it with the Lord, Laura and both of my parents, I decided (with Laura’s approval) that both Laura and I would talk to both of her parents.
I talked non-stop for about 15 minutes (I think they were all speechless…), telling them my plans and vision for the future. Her mom asked her if this was what she wanted (she nodded a convincing yes), and her dad gave me their blessing.
It was, I think, to a small degree analagous to Judson’s situation, because they realized that Laura might live far away for most (or all) of our lives.
I praise the Lord for godly parents and their godly girls!
Hope things are well.
Danny
Hey Justin,
Not sure you remember meeting us, but we’re Brian and Kate’s friends. You have a fantastic blog and it’s a great ministry to the wider body of Christ. I’m not sure if you already know where Judson’s story will go, but it is staggering. I’m excited for you to read it. May God grant us the same grace He gave Judson and his family.
I was in Australia when I proposed to my American girl. In fact, we were on an island looking out towards the Great Barrier Reef (we were leading kids on a Youth Retreat).
So I had to call my soon-to-be-wife’s father, on a cell phone, on an island, on the beach, next to wallabies, at 2am Eastern Australian time.
‘Twas expensive, short, v. Australian and v. worth it.
